I’m generally an open person once I get to know and trust someone. While there are subjects I don’t necessarily care to talk about, I’ll give my opinion, my experience, if asked.
It’s been hard reaching the point of openness that I have. From my childhood, the things I saw around me only served to teach me to lock myself inside, to be quiet, to try to fit in instead of stand out. The only way I expressed myself was through the written word, through stories. And as I grew (and continue to grow), I realised a lot about myself. I learned what I valued and what I believed in. In some cases, I vocally expressed my new-found belief or value with other people, so we could talk about our similarities or differences.
There was something I discovered along the way, though, that I didn’t really mention. Something that I knew was right, but because it felt so honest and so “yeah, I guess I’ve always felt this way,” I somehow forgot or overlooked the fact that I kept it to myself. There’s nothing wrong with that, persay, but I’ve realised that it’s kind of (sort of) a big deal and I just never treated it as such.
I identify as pansexual. What is pansexuality, you might ask? Well, dear reader, it’s basically someone who cares more about the personality someone has, rather than their gender or biology. Gender doesn’t really play a big role when it comes to relationships, for me. I’ve mentioned it casually before, but I’m open to the fact that I may, some day, fall in love with a woman. While my sexual preferences lie mostly with males, I can’t say that I wouldn’t date a woman if she met all of my (ridiculously high) criteria for a partner.
In other words, I fall in love with people’s brains, not their genitalia.
This isn’t news to me. It’s something I’ve known for a while. I just haven’t felt a need to express it aloud. Until one night, when a friend of mine and I were discussing our future partners and what they would be like. I, off-handly mentioned, “I mean, it might be a girl,” much to his confusion, and then had to explain what I meant. I realised, then, that I wasn’t completely being honest with people. Or, at the very least, I was setting them up for (possible) future confusion.
And, to be honest, it feels better to have it out there, in the open, for people to know. It’s who I am. There’s even a pansexual flag. It’s quite glorious.